"If you can't accept losing...

...you can't win," a quote from legendary football coach Vince Lombardi, has special resonance for me. When I play to avoid losing, I tend to lose. When my attention is focused on fear of failure, I tend to fail.

My husband and I won a place in the 2007 Iron Butt Rally, an eleven day, 11,000 mile motorcycle endurance rally. Approximately 100 riders are selected by lottery in the bi-annual event, and the competition to get in, let alone ride, is intense. Since we were fairly new to the sport, we felt we had to prove we belonged and set out to do so in a training ride, the Utah 1088. The 1088 is a 26 hour event, and the one we set our sights on was in June, 2007, just two months before the IBR.

Instead of focusing on riding well, we focused on showing our expertise in route planning, time management, and execution of our ride. It only took a few minutes to make our first major mistake, and the mistakes continued to add up as the morning progressed. Within four hours of the start we managed to make almost every rookie error, and compounded the errors as our emotions intensified. We were frustrated, unfocused, and miserable. Not only had we failed to prove our brilliance, we were on the verge of being disqualified for lack of points.

The turning point came when we discussed quitting. The odds of us even finishing, let alone finishing well, were quickly turning against us. Yet the idea of giving up was appalling to both of us. Competitive by nature, throwing in the towel wasn't in our plans. However, having the discussion, facing our potential failure, and becoming ok with it changed our focus once again. We were willing to lose, but we were not willing to quit.

After we completed the 2007 Iron Butt Rally, we rode the Utah 1088 again in 2008. We had learned many valuable lessons, and went into this rally willing to put it all on the line, knowing we risked losing it all. We encountered obstacles we had prepared for, and many serious ones we had not, and had our best finish ever. We focused on riding well, executing details as practiced, and adjusting our plan when necessary. We let go of the outcome, let the fear of failing fade to the background, and had a blast.

We did end up finishing that disastrous 1088 in 2007, somewhere in the middle of the pack. Once we let go of our fear of failing, we had room to succeed. Our attention turned to riding, having fun, focusing on doing what we knew how to do, and letting the rest take care of itself. We may not have proved anything to anyone else, but we had proved something to ourselves.